Why You Need To Know Your Shadow Self

Photo By: Sandip Kalal on Unsplash

The phrase “Shadow Self” can be confusing because it launches us into the territory of unconventional beliefs and “woo woo” spirituality. The term “shadow” comes from Carl Jung, one of the most significant figures in psychology. It’s referring to the fears that keeps us up at night, often the ones we are not even aware of.

To illustrate this, let’s consider some popular movie references:

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back - When Luke enters the cave on Dagobah, he has a vision of himself beheading Darth Vader with a lightsaber. The helmet then explodes and behind the smoke Luke sees his own face staring back at him. This is Luke’s shadow self. His fear is that he could turn to the dark side and become exactly like Darth Vader.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 - Ron attempts to destroy a horcrux and the horcrux fights back. It shows Ron projections of his worst fears and taunts: “least loved by your mother who craved a daughter, least loved by the girl who prefers your friend.” Ron is overcome with emotion and uses the sword of Gryffindor to finally destroy the horcrux.

We have to address our shadow selves in order to overcome some of our deepest fears. It strikes me that both of these film examples feature men outright killing the shadow self. If anything, this narrative feels like the problem. It’s very glamorous to think of ourselves as “stronger than” our deepest fears, but it’s also naïve, short-lived, and it doesn’t really help us find inner resolution.

The hard truth is that our shadow self is here for a reason and we wouldn’t believe in these fears so much if we didn’t somehow benefit from it. Often times, people are confused at this, wondering how they could possibly benefit from fear. Let’s use an example.

Perhaps someone who experienced childhood trauma doesn’t feel safe as an adult and has remained hypervigilant (alert to threat) for years even when the danger has passed. This is a person who has learned that hypervigilance, which is rooted in feeling unsafe, is a protective behavior. In this person’s mind, letting go of the hypervigilance would mean allowing for the threat of danger. This is a perfect example of the shadow self because it is a thought that seems protective and believable, but is ultimately unhelpful.

But we can’t just destroy the shadow self with a sword or a lightsaber. We’ve already tried. Every time we push it down, distract, or pretend it’s not happening, we are proverbially destroying our shadow self. And it hasn’t worked, has it?

So, what does work? We need to show compassion toward our shadow self and accept it as part of us. Our shadow self does not need to drive our actions and feelings, but it does serve a purpose. Let’s look at another movie that depicts this:

Inside Out: This film follows 11 year old Riley through the ups and downs of moving to a new city. We get a closer look at each of Riley’s emotions throughout the story. The main emotional character “Joy” spends most of the film rejecting “Sadness”. But at the end, “Sadness” shows her value by helping Riley express herself and process the loss of her previous home in order to feel better. “Joy” realizes that “Sadness” is not there to hurt anyone or spoil the fun, but to show up as an important member of the emotional team with her own unique way of supporting Riley.

In this example, “Sadness” is the shadow self. Riley had to accept “Sadness” as an indispensable part of the puzzle in order to come to terms with her move. This same process is important for each of us to go through as we learn more about our shadow selves.

Hypervigilance shows us an inverse example of this. The person with hypervigilance might learn that a constant fear of threat is unhelpful, and, instead, awareness is the real gift that the shadow self offers. Awareness is different from hypervigilance because it doesn’t assume that danger exists around every corner. Awareness is also a very adaptive, helpful member of the team that does not need to assume control or hide away in the background. In childhood, this person may have needed hypervigilance in order to stay safe. Now that the danger has passed, the adult can learn to trust their sense of awareness.

This process will be different for everyone and exploring our deepest fears can be tough work. I highly recommend enlisting the help of a therapist to help you with this journey. It’s always a good idea to reach out for support!

Do you have experience learning about your shadow self? Share with us in the comments!

This has been your reflection on the energy of the week. I am a licensed psychotherapist who likes science and spirituality. Tune in next week for new insights!