Internal Family Systems Therapy
“Parts are little inner beings who are trying their best to keep you safe.” - Richard C. Schwartz, Ph.D.
Have you ever felt the inner conflict of two very opposing thoughts? Maybe a family member drives you crazy, but you also can’t imagine cutting them out of your life? Internal Family Systems (IFS) would label these as two separate “parts” of you. IFS is built on two ideas:
1. We are each made up of many parts.
2. There are no bad parts.
Meaning, it’s okay to feel like someone is driving you crazy because a part of you might be trying to communicate that you need stronger boundaries. It’s equally valid to feel pain at the idea of not speaking to this person because another part of you is trying to communicate how deeply you care about the relationship. Other therapies might try to identify which of these thoughts is the “truest” version of you. IFS creates space for both parts to exist and guides you toward greater self-acceptance and deeper exploration of your inner world.
How Does IFS Support Healing From Trauma?
Trauma can leave us feeling fragmented and lost about how to pick up the pieces. Many of my clients describe feeling like “a completely different person” from who they were before the abuse happened. When we suffer through painful experiences, parts of us start to show up that we may have never encountered. A part of us may feel distrust while building new relationships because it could end in another heartbreak. A part of us may feel broken or damaged and push people away so we don’t become a burden to anyone. Even another part may feel resentful of ourselves for ignoring all the warning signs and we may punish ourselves through harmful behaviors like substance use or disordered eating.
It’s possible to heal with the help of an IFS therapist who can guide you to work with each of these parts. Once we get to know each of our parts, we can understand the roles that each one has to play. A typical IFS session appears like a meditative experience. We start by noticing thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations that act as signposts that lead us directly to our parts. Then we create compassion for each of our parts which helps them to start working with us rather than against us.
Have you ever been in a group project with a difficult team member? This work is like having a vulnerable conversation with that team member and realizing they are holding back their best work because they feel as if nothing they do will ever be good enough. Helping that team member feel understood and cared for is the best way to encourage them to put their best foot forward. IFS is exactly the same, but you’re having the conversation internally with your parts.