How To Stop Settling For Less At Work

Photo By: Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

Let’s talk about trauma living in the body and why this relates to our careers and work. In our society, the mind has always been valued more than the heart. Feelings are viewed as weakness. The lesson we have taught is that if we just think our way through our problems, we will have the solutions to everything. This is a false assumption.

Research has shown us that the effects of trauma and adverse events do not resolve when we finish our to-do lists, distract ourselves, or attempt to make sense of what happened. The only way to complete the cycle of processing an emotion is to move through it. And emotions are processed, first and foremost, in the body.

Author and Poet-comedian Alok Menon describes, “It’s never about making sense. It’s about making sensation (...) because in order for something to make sense, it has to pay allegiance to an idea that already existed and we want to make new ideas so we have to be speculative and experimental.”

I bring this up in relation to work because we all seem to know in our bones that the current situation isn’t working. Wake up early, go to work, come home, crash, do it all again the next day. Throughout the pandemic we have seen changes that already seem to make people feel more fulfilled.

People are working from home.

Companies are experimenting with a 4 day work week.

Workers are quitting their jobs.

Why are these changes important? Because the extra time allows us to...

Sleep, eat, exercise.

Connect with our friends and families.

Connect with ourselves.

So often, we think, “My priority is to finish all my tasks and later I will be able to relax.” But as we know so well, later never comes.

So how do we do it? How do we start listening to our bodies and giving ourselves what we need? This is where the hard work comes in:

We need to make time for it.

I could easily give you a long list of ways to meet your basic needs but I’m not going to because you’ve already heard and seen them. (And if you haven’t, you can read one in my blog on self-care.)

So often people don’t make the time. And to be fair, time is a privilege for many. But we often become deterred by identifying with our lack of motivation. We tell ourselves:

“I try to start a routine but I always end up quitting.”

“I’m not organized enough for that.”

“I don’t know how to prioritize my own needs.”

Everyone has different barriers, which means that making time is about figuring out your “why”. Why are you motivated to do this? You don’t know if listening to your body will work because you’ve never tried, but you also know that everything else you’ve tried has not worked. My own personal “why” comes from Dr. Brené Brown’s research:

“Our connection with other people is only as solid and deep as our connection to ourselves. In order for me to be connected to you, I have to know who I am. I have to be connected to myself. And I think what we end up doing is desperately searching for connection with other people when we have no idea who we are.”

Time spent with my loved ones (including alone time with myself) is the most important time I can spend. Far more important to me than work. When I am not listening to my body, I don’t know what I need and I have a harder time connecting to my loved ones. This is my story of how I made time to listen to my body:

I was working in a community mental health agency for 2 years. I commuted an hour each way. If I wasn’t seeing clients or consulting with my supervisees, I was drowning in paperwork and emails. I felt miserable most of the time. I ate whatever was closest to me. I wasn’t getting paid enough. I barely slept. I rarely got to connect with my loved ones.

I hit my breaking point and I quit. I retreated into travel for a while and then I started building a private practice. Now I have at least 2 hour breaks in the middle of every work day. I take walks or eat healthy food. I practice yoga daily. I sleep 8 hours a night. I visit friends on the weekends. The more that I connect with my body, the more that I connect with myself, and the more that I connect with my people.

Again, I want to acknowledge that a lot of privilege brought me to this lifestyle, and what also got me here was deciding enough was enough and that suffering for work wasn’t good enough for me anymore. This is possible for everyone. So feel deep inside to understand what motivates you. It won’t be the same reason as it was for me, but it will be just as true and beautiful and it will be enough to propel you into action. Do it for yourself and for your loved ones. Only you can make the decision to make the time to listen to your body.

This has been your reflection on the energy of the week. I am a licensed psychotherapist who likes science and spirituality. Tune in next week for new insights!