Why You Need A Therapist Who Specializes in Narcissistic Abuse
As a specialist in narcissistic abuse, I’m often asked “How do you work differently from a regular therapist?” My deep understanding of narcissism helps me teach clients to identify and create boundaries that work for them! I’m also aware of the profound suffering that people carry after narcissistic relationships. I help people heal from this trauma and move forward into fulfilling lives.
Most therapists teach communication strategies that work in healthy relationships. Strategies like explaining how you feel to a partner in hopes of them understanding your pain or trying to empathize with a parent and helping them feel seen for their struggle. These are great ways to communicate with a person who cares for you and is able to offer understanding in a relationship with you, but these do not work with narcissistic relationships.
Narcissists don’t experience empathy. When you feel hurt by their behavior, you can’t explain to them why being yelled at made you feel upset. Narcissists will say something like, “you’re so sensitive” or “you shouldn’t have done something that made me yell in the first place.” They’re extremely fragile and can’t prioritize helping you feel understood if they feel any sense of insecurity. But this fragility is not a reason for you to tolerate being treated poorly. Everyone deserves to be in healthy relationships where they don’t have to fear being harmed by a partner. This is where I can help you identify boundaries that work for your situation. Maybe you need an apology. Maybe you need to be in a relationship with a partner who doesn’t become defensive when you try to express your feelings. Then we can work on how you actually implement those boundaries.
A lot of therapists are also focused on working with clients through “here-and-now” issues. Do you have a stressful job? Let’s create coping strategies to alleviate some of that stress. Struggling with anxiety? Let’s process through some of those worries. But narcissistic relationships are often years and years of traumatic experiences. There are a lot of layers to work through that can’t be healed in a 50 minute session with basic problem-solving skills. A trauma-informed therapist can sit with all the suffering you’ve carried in your body since those painful events happened. They can help you bring those dark memories to the surface and relieve you of the weight they carry. If you’ve experienced a narcissistic relationship, you’ve experienced trauma. This comes as a surprise to many, but there’s two types of trauma: Big “T” Trauma and little '“t” trauma.
Big “T” Trauma includes things like fighting in a war, being caught in a house fire, sexual assault, or watching someone die. These are events that are often depicted in movies and TV shows. Little “t” trauma can be anything that caused you emotional harm. It’s also different for everyone. For example, as a little kid, there may have been a student in your class who picked on you. That same student may have picked on another child. It might have been traumatic for you and not the other student. This is because we all digest events differently. Sometimes our brains interpret an event as stressful and move on as soon as the stress passes. Other times, we are so stressed by the event that we carry the feelings from that event long after the stressor has passed.
Narcissistic relationships are often full of both types of trauma. That’s why I practice EMDR and IFS which help clients to process through traumatic events and heal. EMDR is a therapy that works directly with traumatic memories and helps clients relieve the pain associated with those memories. IFS helps clients work with different parts of themselves (like an inner child) and offer these parts the support needed to move on from difficult events from the past. I am passionate about helping individuals understand narcissism, create healthy boundaries, and heal from trauma. I offer individual and group therapy to support my clients in moving on from the past and creating lives that feel free and fulfilling. If you’re interested in working with me, reach out for a free consultation!