What Do I Talk About In Therapy?
Photo Credit: Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
This question often comes up at two different points in the therapy process. When you are first starting out and when you are starting to feel better.
If you’re just starting therapy, there is no pressure to figure out what you need to discuss with your therapist. Most therapists kick off by asking you a bunch of questions about yourself that will cover quite a few topics you can dive into. It’s pretty common for you and the therapist to have some sense of direction for therapy after that first session.
But sometimes you get into a lull. This can happen for a number of reasons. Perhaps you’ve been with your therapist for a while, you understand the issues you’re dealing with, you’ve done some work to heal, and things seem to be going pretty well. On the other hand, you may feel overwhelmed and haven’t had time to reflect on your thoughts and feelings, or planned out what you want to discuss in session.
A few good things to know:
1. If you don’t know what to say in session, name it. Therapists are people too, and we want to help, but if you are scrambling for things to talk about, we may not know that what you actually mean to say is that you don’t know what to talk about. If we know that’s the case, then we can start digging into why you may not have anything to talk about this session. It might be that you are suppressing something that would feel really painful if it was brought into the light. It could also simply be that there is constant noise in your life and you just need a quiet moment to yourself. Good thing there are therapists who know how to do guided meditations and mindfulness exercises!
2. You don’t have to know what you’re going to talk about before a therapy session. Some of the best sessions are unplanned. Maybe you end up talking about something you haven’t talked about in a while, or didn’t even know is affecting you. Maybe you spend a full session talking about the positive changes that have occurred in your life. Maybe you even realize that you are ready to end therapy. That’s the goal isn’t it? As close as clients and therapists become, we want you to eventually feel comfortable flying free and equip you with the tools to feel good about your life. (You can always come back if things go south!)
3. Maybe you just don’t need to go to therapy that week. Sometimes there are more important things going on. We all have those weeks where we are cramming 4 days of work in before we fly away to a wedding for 3 days. On top of that there is taking the kids to soccer practice, confirming the dog sitter, and packing. Some weeks it may be more stress than it’s worth to commute to and from a therapy session, and rip the band-aid off of your deepest traumas. It’s okay to take a week off therapy.
Whatever you do, please do not feel ashamed of not knowing what to say in therapy. Just say it. The easy pitfalls are to try talking about random things that don’t actually matter to you or to barely say a word all session. This will lead to you feeling resentful because your therapy sessions won’t be effective, and your therapist will be confused about what’s going on. Honest communication is always key, and a good therapist will not judge you for running out of things to talk about in therapy.
Did this blog fix all your problems? Darn. Let’s talk! I am a licensed psychotherapist in private practice and would love to meet you for a free 30 minute consultation.