How To Stop Hiding Who You Are For Other People’s Happiness

Photo by: Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

“What if other people never accept me for who I really am?”

I get asked this question a lot as a therapist. It’s a tough one, but I might posit that the even more challenging question is...

“What if you are never able to accept you for who you really are?”

It starts with us.

Let’s get curious about our inner self and our outer self. Who is the person we show up in the world as and who is the person we keep locked inside?

I’m noticing a theme of visibility showing up this week in many different forms, such as sexuality, physical appearance, and gender identity. There is a “bursting at the seams” energy, as if we collectively can no longer hold inside the very authentic parts of ourselves that make us who we are. But there is also risk and fear associated with this bursting that is making us ask the hard questions.

“What will my parents think of me if I tell them I’m queer?”

“What would it be like to accept myself in this body?”

“What will I do if my family members continue to misgender me? 

I sense a wave of desire to open up the parts of ourselves that we may have hidden away before. These parts of ourselves feel true, joyful, and liberated. We may have had good reason to hide these parts of ourselves in the past. Perhaps to protect ourselves from judgment or to fit in with our peers. There could also be real physical danger to consider in revealing certain parts of ourselves.

Some of us may have been faking identity for the sake of others happiness. Some of us may have been playing a part for such a long time that we almost convinced ourselves that this is who we are. One thing that is certain is we are deliberating which weighs more heavily on our hearts – our fear of being judged or our desire to be our authentic selves.

But how do we even begin to show up authentically when we have been tucked away for so long? Some things to consider when figuring out how to show up authentically:

1. What behaviors are you engaging in that fill your cup? What behaviors are you engaging in that don’t align with your values?

2. Who are you surrounding yourself with? Who charges your battery and who drains it?

3. What thoughts or ideas are leading you closer to your truest self? When you think about your true self, what is different about that person than the person who you show up as in the world?

These are big questions, so allow me to present them in a way that is less daunting with bite-sized examples:

Right now in this moment, what is one small thing you can do that would feel good?

Right now in this moment, who could you visit that would make you feel supported?

Right now in this moment, do your thoughts about yourself feel helpful or hurtful?

If you had insight into any of the answers to these questions, then you already have the incredible tool of information to guide you to what will help you feel more authentic in this moment.

It starts with identifying what you need. What you need may not be what the world thinks you need. Ask not if you can be enough for the world, but if you can be enough for you. And in case you were wondering…

You are inherently enough just by virtue of your existence as a human in this world.

What is one step you can take today toward your authentic self? Share in the comments below!

This has been your reflection on the energy of the week. I am a licensed psychotherapist who likes science and spirituality. Tune in next week for new insights!