Why Would Anyone Feel Grateful For Their Trauma?

Photo By: Dani on Unsplash

The first time I heard this, I was a new counselor substituting for a colleague’s group therapy session. One brave woman shared,

“I know this is going to sound strange, but I’m actually really grateful for my trauma, because without it, I would never have gone to therapy. I would have never understood why I think the way I do or why I behave in certain ways. And without that, I would have never been able to change any of it for the better.”

Woah, that’s powerful.

One caveat here is that it doesn’t take a trauma to learn how to do all of that. In fact, I think we should teach children these skills in order to prevent as much trauma as possible.

But that’s not where we are.

Most people aren’t in therapy for preventative care before they experience a disturbing event. Most people are in therapy for intervention after it happens.

Since that group counseling session, I have heard many different versions of this opinion. One particularly striking description was that of “a dark blessing.”

In a sense, it comes as no surprise that some people express gratitude for their trauma. People who have experienced trauma often feel connected to other trauma survivors because they share a desire for self-exploration. Conversations between trauma survivors are often non-judgmental spaces for curiosity and understanding. There is a felt empathy and deep connection that is rarely found in lighter topics. Trauma survivors often know the importance of feeling truly seen by others and are able to give this readily.

But I feel some unease writing all of this because it gives credit to trauma and not the person who survived it. Experiencing a trauma can happen to anyone. That is part of why it is terrifying. But not every trauma survivor picks themselves back up again. Some turn to alcohol or drugs as a way to keep a sense of control. Some become so practiced at people-pleasing that they forget about their own worthiness. Some people become the abusers themselves.

What I’m saying is that if you have experienced a trauma, it may have been the catalyst for your healing journey, but it was not the reason for it.

What I’m saying is that gratitude is a wonderful thing, but I believe some people misplace their gratitude in trauma.

Trauma did not choose to rise up from the ashes.

You did.

And if you were to make a list right now of all the things you were grateful for, how long would it take before you named yourself?

I write this as a reminder to trauma survivors to know your worthiness. To not forget yourself when it comes to gratitude. To not define yourself by your trauma, but by the exquisite work you have put in to overcome adversity.

You are the models of the work.

And I am grateful for you.

This has been your reflection on the energy of the week. I am a licensed psychotherapist who likes science and spirituality. Tune in next week for new insights!