The Conversation Your Therapist Doesn’t Want To Have
Photo By: krakenimages on Unsplash
Therapist: Hi Client, how are you?
Client: I’m good! How are you?
Therapist: Good, how’s your week going?
Client: Good! How’s yours?
Therapist: *head explodes*
...Don’t get me wrong, we all do this at some point or another. (I have done this to my own therapist). But this is a gentle reminder that therapy is about you. As a therapist, when I ask how you’re doing, I’m not making small talk. I actually want to know. It’s a two-sided coin as well. As a therapist, I shouldn’t spend your time talking about my personal life. It isn’t fair to you, and you won’t get what you came into the session for: the space to talk about your life.
Some may wonder: “Shouldn’t I get to know more about my therapist?”
Part of what’s great about therapy is that you get to speak with an unbiased person. Someone who is not familiar with your life and whom you can trust to hold a nonjudgmental space.
For example, if you, the client, are really passionate about underwater basket-weaving, but you know that I, the therapist, really hate underwater basket-weaving... how will it feel to talk about your favorite hobby in session?
Probably not very safe, right?
Let’s take something more serious.
If you ask how I’m doing and I answer honestly... “I’ve had a stressful day and I’m really tired.” How will it feel to air your grievances?
Again, probably not very safe, right?
Therapists are trained to hold space and show up to any scenario with emotional vulnerability. Some therapists are more open than others, but for many of us, keeping our personal lives private helps us to focus on helping our clients.
If a client asks about how I’m doing more than once, I normally ask “What’s been on your mind recently?” It’s a good question for self-reflection and typically centers the therapy on the client. If you’re a client, what questions help you self-reflect? If you’re a therapist, what questions do you ask at the start of session? Share in the comments below!
I am a licensed psychotherapist who likes science and spirituality. Tune in next week for new insights!